Five Year Plan…

… I don’t have one.

I mean, five years ago I didn’t have a plan and things are going well, so maybe this isn’t a terrible thing. But I feel lost.

I bought a house last year. Still not sure why. So I guess I’ll be here for at least those five years. It’s not a forever home, at least not with my current boyfriend, but five years seems reasonable.

I don’t see myself at my current job for five years. But I never feel like any skills I may have are transferable, I feel stuck like it’s an emotionally abusive relationship, telling each I’m only just good enough to keep going without enough support to feel good about myself. But even though it’s a business I think I’m doing some good in the world. I always worry that my company will get twisted to doing evil. I know that sounds weird, not knowing what I do, but it’s possible. And if it did, I hope I have the integrity to leave. But right now I’m helping make the world a better place and when I remember that I feel good about my job as a whole, even if I feel the day-to-day is soul sucking and killing me.

Which always brings me back to “what do I want to be when I grow up?”

Maybe my plan can be more ethereal…

… learn more about myself

… grow as a supervisor

… work being creative into my daily routine

In five years I want to be a better me. Even if that’s still in this house and at this company.

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