For now…

I think I just discovered what I want to be when I grow up.**

Yes, I’m 36 years old. Yes, I went to grad school for one thing and am twelve years into that profession and this is completely different. Yes, I have absolutely no idea how to do this. But I have an answer to that question that doesn’t completely terrify me. I can be more than my occupation.

I want to be an artist… and also a mental health advocate in some way.

I have no artistic talent. I remember panic attacks going back to being ten years old and realizing that my drawings weren’t perfect. At that point I stopped art-ing and stopped craft-omg because my creations weren’t perfect. I kept to math and science because there were answers that I could get right. When I realized there was ambiguity in science too, I got scared and dug in my heels that there had to be answers, I had to get it right.

So my art hasn’t progressed beyond that of a typical ten year old, has probably back slid a bit. But I have still been buying lots of art supplies in the meantime. So step one will be to practice. Start doodling, start drawing, start putting marks on papers. Make a mess, make something ugly, something dirty, something indiscernible.

This is a long term plan. I will draw and I WILL art.

Hey Anna, you read this? How do I art?!?

For now, see what I made on my phone in bed last night. Not bad for age 36, huh?

**i wrote this at the end of December and thought I posted it then, but didn’t. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense coming after my last post about working on drawing. Also, you can see some of my attempts at drawing on instagram: FuzBubbles

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